It's been over a year since I last updated this.

When I first decided to start this blog, I made a covenant with myself, "I will update this. I will write constantly. I need to exercise my mind (you'd think that taking classes at UCLA would do the trick; quite frankly it does the opposite and just fries it)."

Well, ashamedly I broke that covenant. And as a result, my brain IS fried. Current score: Brain=0 Blog=1

I have developed a habit that the moment I become motivated enough to blog something down (is that a phrase?) I instantly log onto Facebook, or to look up if the 49'ers beat the Ravens (I WOULD be down with my Golden State Warriors, but the players/GM's apparently haven't tried something out yet: not being greedy. Dang lockout...). Instead of partaking in something I genuinely find satisfaction in I decide to hibernate myself, equipped with working wi-fi and my laptop, in an environment where my brain has to do its least work. This is the very essence of my brain-frying, by choosing to stumble-upon pointless articles of nothing of utter importance.

This habit is frightening, frightening to the point where I'm deciding to blog about it. That means it's definitely something I've thought about before. How did this habit start? Why am I still participating in it despite my complete awareness that I am habitually hypnotized by this pendulum that is apathy?

Maybe it's because that I'm so aware that it can be possible that nobody wants to read about some Chinese-Korean guy writing about his first-world issues that I feel that it's okay to kick back, relax, and indulge in my daily dose of Youtube. Maybe it's because I'm so self-critical about my value as a writer that I subconsciously decide to simply not write in order to give myself a self-handicap and not have to deal with my self-view by having nothing to judge in the first place.

I've been notified on some occasions that I actually do have quite a knack for vernacular and quick-wit. It is also probable though that I feel so much pressure from living up to those compliments that I am afraid of placing short of these expectations, so like the aforementioned paragraph, I simply stop and provide no evidence to be critiqued.

Or maybe my life is simply too boring, and I'm afraid that nobody is going to even fathom to understand what's really going on up in that hollow hairy sphere I call my head.

It's these excuses that I've created for myself that is bringing me closer to my brain turning into an omlette. I'm so afraid of not living up to a certain perception of me or living up to anything that I turn the opposite direction in order to avoid that negativity. Ironically turning that opposite direction is bringing me closer towards that negativity; the more I walk in the opposite direction, the crispier my brain is getting. And not crisp in a "fresh" way, but in that deep-fried, straight-out-of-KFC crispy. I'm living up to the thing I was trying to avoid by trying to avoid it. (Note to self: write sentences that make sense in my head, AND outside my head)

The disturbing part is, I'm perfectly aware of this happening, yet it's such a heavy rock to lift off my back. And it probably isn't that heavy to begin with.

Point being, I need to strive to escape this apathy, to recover what my brain has lost (even though my Neuroscience professor said that you can't replace the brain cells you've lost in the path. Challenge accepted). I need to start writing again if I ever want to get off this couch. But this couch is broken-in and comfortable. That's the challenge.

But hey, encouragement helps. If you did in fact read this, and want to help me out, a reminder to update this might help. Superficial help, maybe. But I WILL appreciate it. :)